Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
