Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
