I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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