Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
