I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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