i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
