It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
