she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
