Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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