she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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