I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
