i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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