I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
