Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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