on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
being pregnant is like rehab
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
