i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
