Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize