Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
