so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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