After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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