you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
