She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
