It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
