batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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