Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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