He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
