i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
