I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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