I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
