dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't deserve a penis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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