I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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