So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
