Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
