Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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