i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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