T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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