After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I touched a dick in church today
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