im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night