Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  My penis looks like a roll of pennies

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh. Ok. I get the hint.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...

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  (404): My penis looks like a roll of pennies (303): Oh. Ok. I get the hint. (404): Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird... http://tfl.nu/xs9r
  Replies (15) Good night (651) Bad night (3162)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

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  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12116) Bad night (1682)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.

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  (720): How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box. http://tfl.nu/9hzq
  Replies (7) Good night (2851) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?

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  (215): Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam? http://tfl.nu/4s96
  Replies (30) Good night (3903) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"

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  (720): haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya" http://tfl.nu/5qox
  Replies (30) Good night (6554) Bad night (1740)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight

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  (501): instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight http://tfl.nu/gwkf
  Replies (50) Good night (4414) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

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  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (8025) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson

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  (508): this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson http://tfl.nu/oc0q
  Replies (7) Good night (3761) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks

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  (610): He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks http://tfl.nu/aq4e
  Replies (8) Good night (2402) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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  (714): He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xpcu
  Replies (8) Good night (2596) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

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  (912): Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back http://tfl.nu/294t
  Replies (7) Good night (2830) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.

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  (316): If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong. http://tfl.nu/36w1
  Replies (3) Good night (1042) Bad night (1753)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!

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  (312): I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success! http://tfl.nu/tj5b
  Replies (8) Good night (1886) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.

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  (702): The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me. http://tfl.nu/ddqk
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  What the hell happened to my hand?

  (646): View more from New York

  Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".

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  (917): What the hell happened to my hand? (646): Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over". http://tfl.nu/gfxv
  Replies (0) Good night (511) Bad night (223)

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