Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?

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  (212): yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT? http://tfl.nu/zjw1
  Replies (28) Good night (748) Bad night (2042)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

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  (301): There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself http://tfl.nu/388v
  Replies (50) Good night (821) Bad night (5565)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.

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  (502): Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936. http://tfl.nu/hg2d
  Replies (22) Good night (1434) Bad night (9691)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.

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  (248): either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her. http://tfl.nu/6guc
  Replies (10) Good night (4660) Bad night (1321)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"

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  (701): I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?" http://tfl.nu/cr38
  Replies (12) Good night (4102) Bad night (1619)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.

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  (501): You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was. http://tfl.nu/yz4l
  Replies (4) Good night (1949) Bad night (840)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.

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  (269): All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold. http://tfl.nu/eqny
  Replies (4) Good night (2006) Bad night (940)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20

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  (651): I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20 http://tfl.nu/s3lf
  Replies (3) Good night (2185) Bad night (950)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.

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  (973): We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness. http://tfl.nu/5j3m
  Replies (17) Good night (2807) Bad night (1121)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment

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  (515): I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment http://tfl.nu/kkgu
  Replies (11) Good night (827) Bad night (3162)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.

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  (607): I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/mq74
  Replies (14) Good night (2445) Bad night (545)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people

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  (503): get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people http://tfl.nu/medo
  Replies (1) Good night (1032) Bad night (784)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.

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  (509): This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it. http://tfl.nu/jpqq
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (505)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador

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  (907): Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador http://tfl.nu/015q
  Replies (4) Good night (1268) Bad night (450)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.

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  (586): Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed. http://tfl.nu/40ub
  Replies (3) Good night (419) Bad night (758)

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