Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
