Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.

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(970): View more from Colorado

The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

(352): View more from Florida

I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner

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(720): View more from Colorado

She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(585): View more from New York

complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

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(231): View more from Michigan

who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?

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(712): View more from Iowa

she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"

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(303): View more from Colorado

It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.

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