You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS