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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Food network will be on but we won't be watching

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  O by "watching" I mean "background noise"

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Can Purell be used as lube?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

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  your the best winggirl ever

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.

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• (716): View more from New York

  i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts

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• (206): View more from Washington

  If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  No piss test, hell yeah

  (248): View more from Michigan

  FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando

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