And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.