Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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