remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize