Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
