Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
