The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
