Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
