C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
