so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
