My pussy is not your playground.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
