Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
