he wants to bone in the snuggie
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
