I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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