I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
