My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
