i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We have started to decorate penises.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
