bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
