Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
