my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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