Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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