I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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