your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
