Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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