you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize