I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize