i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
