paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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