Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
