I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
