I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book