mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you need anything just hit me up
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT