even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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