I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions