eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything