He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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