I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
