she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All the doctor said was why
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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