whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
