Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize