it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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